Every day we make connections with different people and in various ways. These relationships differ depending on who we are with, how we behave, what we do, etc. But are we aware of what we experience? Which type of relationship do we have? Imagine a theory that tries to understand our relationships and categorize them, A Triangular Theory of Love, Robert, J. Sternberg (1986).
This theory comes from social psychology to help us understand love and relationships, (at least useful for me). According to Sternberg (1986), love has three main components: intimacy, passion, and commitment/decision. What type of love and the amount of love we experience are relevant to these three components based on the theory, thus depending on these components, Sternberg (1986) identifies 8 different types of love.
Firstly, what do we mean when we say intimacy, passion, and commitment?
Intimacy: feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion: instincts leading to romance, physical attraction, sexual needs, and other needs like dominance, submission, etc.
Commitment/Decision: In the short-term, the decision to love each other. In the long-term, the decision to maintain that love.
Now, we will see the different types of love relevant to the relationship between these three components. There are 8 types of love according to the theory (Sternberg, 1986).
1- Nonlove: Simply, none of the components exist. – Personal and casual interactions.
2- Liking: When there is only the intimacy component. A set of feelings one may experience in friendships. Being emotionally close to someone but not feeling arousal.
3- Infatuated love: Simply, “Love at first sight”. There is only the passion component. Mostly characterized by physical symptoms (increasing heartbeat, hormonal secretions, etc.)
4- Empty love: There is only commitment. Arranged marriages can be an example. Partners start relationship with commitment, not with passion and intimacy. Another example may be the relationships that lasted so many years and partners lost the spark.
5- Romantic love: Combination of the intimacy and passion. Partners are not connected only with passion but also with emotions. (e.g., Romeo and Juliet)
6- Companionate love: Combination of the intimacy and commitment. This type of love mostly occurs in marriages. The passion (mostly physical attraction) is not there, but partners are committed to each other and share an emotional bond.
7- Fatuous love: A combination of the passion and commitment. (E.g., a Hollywood-type love where a couple meets, gets engaged after two weeks, and marries in two months.) There is a higher possibility for termination of the relationship.
8- Consummate love: Full combination of the three components. The ultimate goal of most people. The hard thing in this type of love is not to reach it, but to maintain it.
I briefly explained the theory and how the components affect “love” and result in different types of relationships. Sometimes, the classification of these types of concepts (like love) may seem too strict and too logical because they are so emotional and abstract. However, I think, understanding some factors relevant to these abstract concepts (for example, intimacy-love or commitment-love) is so important for understanding ourselves and our relationships because, sometimes, even though we are so sure we love someone, we may have so many disappointments in our relationship due to our expectations. Maybe, understanding what we have in a relationship can answer the question marks in our mind. So, I hope this theory will help you to understand which factors affect you and your relationship.
References
Aronson, E., Wilson, T. D., Akert, R. M., & Sommers, S. R. (2021). Social psychology. Pearson.
Edward Munch. (1892). Kiss by the Window. The National Museum, Oslo, Norway.
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135. https://doi.org/10.1037//0033-295x.93.2.119
